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My Week of Self-Love

To Love Self is to Love God! ~ Coach Cartel

Amazing! Wonderful! Beautiful! Delicious, even!

Those are just a few words that can describe my week of self-Love! Never have I ever devoted so much time and attention to myself without an ounce of guilt being felt. To understand the depth and magnitude of how important of a milestone this is for me we need to go back to what started it all.

For three weeks I partook in an online Love summit entitled From Heartbreak to Wholeness. Hosted by Elisabeth Scheffer, it featured some of the nation’s top Love experts, coaches, healers – alla dat! Some of the presenters I’ve known and followed off and on from time to time. A few were new to me. In fact, it was a coach of one of the new presenters that sparked the idea of my self-Love week.

Her name is Nicole and she’s my new Love Mentor. She works closely with Dr. Diana Kirschner who’s a relationship coach. No, I’m not looking to get hitched again – yet! However, I have come to realize that while I’m so busy giving, giving, giving I’m doing very little receiving. And that, my dear rockstar, had to change.

So upon speaking with Nicole for the first time we got to know each other better. I told her of my past Love “lessons” and how they contributed to my personal views on Love as of late. During this 60 minute call she gave me several homework assignments (still makes me lol…I’m not even officially her student yet!). One of these assignments was to get a massage. I needed to show myself some TLC…with the same intent that I’ve shown to others.

And thus began the week of self-Love!

It’s funny because I was hesitant to even book the massage! Seriously, it took me almost an hour to click submit for payment. But I finally did it. It was paid for and all I had to do was secure a date. (That was on Sunday.) Since that day, I have done at least one act of self-Love for myself for the past seven days. I’m proud to say that, beyond that initial hesitation, I didn’t bulk once at spoiling myself with a little TLC!

Why? Because after speaking with Nicole I had an epiphany that night. I can’t keep giving 50 if I’m only at 5! Never mind the numbers (I’m not talking percentages or anything), focus on the message. We’ve all heard the saying that you can’t pour from an empty cup. Well that saying is beyond the truth and what I found myself doing – especially lately – is trying to pour into others (work, kids, business, clients, writing, etc.) from a space that was about as dry as the Sahara desert! I was so focused on forcing myself to give to others that I didn’t stop to see that I had nothing left to give. It was like squeezing water from a rock. It just wasn’t there. Add to that my internal issues dealing with rejection, exclusion, judgment – something had to give.

So I gave! More like I gave up! What did I give up?

  • The need for others’ approval of my work.
  • The need to feel included in events.
  • The need for outer validation.
  • The need for social media.

I let it all go for seven whole days! And it…felt…GREAT!!! I realized during this week the reason why I felt the way I did was because others were giving amongst themselves, but no one was giving to me. No one was giving to me because I wasn’t giving to MYSELF!!! While I can’t safely say that habit has been completely broken, I can say that it has been curved dramatically. No longer will I neglect myself nor hide my true being for the sake of others. Anytime I feel slighted by someone or something on the outside, I’ll know it’s time to go within and nurture my inner artistic Rockstarr back to health.

So what does that mean for me now? It means I’m at a point where I’m in the overflow! Yes, I can freely write, create, and coach effectively! I can goal set and plant good seeds for my next harvest. I can look at myself in the mirror and look 10 years younger because I eliminated the stress! I can be open and vulnerable to myself, to my clients, and – God willing – to my true Love! :o) I’m at a beautiful place, in a beautiful space, and I thank God for this week of heavenly bliss! If you have never done so, please take a week – or even a few days – and carve out time just for yourself. You’ll be amazed at how wonderful, light, healthy, and younger you’ll look and feel! It feels so good to give from this space! It feels even better to receive from it!

Self-Love Series Part 3: Reclaiming Self-Love

We’re rounding third base in our self-love series. By now, you should have a better understanding of self-love. Once that understanding is solid, the next step was to make the declaration of accepting self-love. So what’s left? Here is where we go back to the basics. In the quest of reclaiming our self-love, we must remind ourselves of the different ways we can express self-love.

Below are ten ways you can reclaim your self love:

  1. Mirror Talk. In this exercise, you’ll have a loving conversation with yourself. It doesn’t have to be long or detailed. It’s a private moment for you to express your true feelings of love and appreciation. No one knows about this moment but you.
  2. Write yourself love notes. Leave them in inconspicuous places. As you come across them, you’ll be reminded just how fantastic you really are.
  3. Take a brisk 20-minute walk. Here is an opportunity for you to spend some quality time with yourself. You can think about anything, everything, or nothing at all. This time block is strictly for you and cannot – and should not – be interrupted.
  4. Take yourself out on a date. Dinner, a movie, bowling – find something that you love to do and haven’t done in a while and make a memory of it. Snap a few selfies while you’re at it. Create memories…that’s what it’s all about.
  5. Buy yourself something nice. It can be as extravagant as a $10,000 ring, or as simple as a $0.25 sucker. Whatever tickles your fancy. The premise is to give to yourself, from yourself.
  6. Go on a vacation. Whether it’s across town or across the country, shell out a few bucks and give yourself an opportunity of a lifetime. Visit somewhere you’ve always wanted to go, or a place that reminds you of who you are. Whatever you do, make the most of this trip.
  7. Get a massage. After all you’ve been through to get to this point, it’s time for some R&R…rest and relaxation. My personal favorite is a deep tissue massage with lavender and chamomile aromatherapy. Talk about heaven! There are plenty of massages to choose from. Find one that suits you…or better yet, experiment! Who says you only need one massage?!
  8. Give yourself a hug. Yes, it’s that simple. Wrap your arms around yourself and enjoy that warm embrace. You’ll know it’s authentic because it’s coming straight from you.
  9. Volunteer. If you’re a giver by nature, what better way to reclaim your self-love than to express your love for others? Spend time with the elderly, volunteer to be a big sister, donate blood. There’s a great need for givers. Fill that need and yourself at the same time.
  10. Give to a cause you care about. When you have a healthy level of self-love it’s easy to give to others. Pick a charity or cause – or even a person – close to your heart and do what you can to be a healthy reflection of self-love. Do this especially if it’s with a person. Don’t try to push your values onto them. Rather, show them what it means to love oneself. Be an example of healthy self-love. You’ll do them and yourself a world of good.

I’m sure you can think of many other ways to reclaim your self-love. What are they? Share below and inspire someone else. You never know who’s in need of reclaiming their own self-love. If you need help finding creative ways to reclaim your self-love reach out to me and we’ll get you back on track!

Self-Love Series Part 2: Accepting Self-Love


Now that you have a workable understanding of self-love, it’s time to move on to phase 2: accepting self-love. How do you do this? The process is easier than you think. In order to accept self-love you need to believe you’re worthy of self-love. Believing this truth is where many women get caught up. They start to think of the mistakes they’ve made in the past, the lies other people have told them, the goals they let fall to the wayside and produce numerous amounts of evidence to debunk the fact – FACT I tell you – that they are worthy of self-love. Instead of letting the evidence work against us, let’s use the evidence to work in our favor.

Case Study #1: When you were a child you were always told you were too ugly/fat/skinny/tall/short/girly/tomboyish. You never learned to love your true self because you altered your image to be the opposite of what you were being called.

Truth: The fact remains that you were NOT any of those things. Honey, listen…kids can be cruel, but none of what they said was true. It wasn’t any truer then than it is now. There was a point in time where you loved yourself for who you were. Along came adolescence, hormone changes, and peer pressure – all of a sudden you don’t know who you want to be. The answer has been with you all along: you want to be YOU! Let’s take that a step further though; don’t just BE you, EMBACE you! This means your curves, your tone, your hair, your style, your voice, your laugh – love and accept everything that makes you unique. We’re not in middle school anymore. Let those monster comments go. And if the comments came from an adult, know the issue is within them and was simply – yet unfairly – projected on you.

Case Study #2: You promised yourself when you were 21 that you would be married with 2 children living the American dream by the time you were 30. You’re now 35!

Truth: You can’t control decisions that involve more than you! Meaning, it’s unfair to your significant other (past or present) to buy into your dream if it doesn’t fit their own. Maybe they had different dreams in regards to marriage and family. That doesn’t make you any less valuable or worthy of self-love. Just because you haven’t found your knight in shining armor (thanks a lot, Disney! *side eye*) doesn’t mean they don’t exist! It just means you need to take this time to prepare yourself for the life that you desire. We’ve all heard the saying before and it rings true: we get what we want when we’re not looking!

Case Study #3: In focusing on case study #2, you neglected your goals of going back to school, starting a business, creating art, developing an invention – all because you lost yourself waiting for someone that has not yet arrived.

Truth: Just because you put your goals to the side doesn’t mean they’re completely dead! At any time you can register for classes, obtain a business license, pick up a paintbrush/pen/camera, or get in your lab! I am a firm believer that creative expression is one of the HIGHEST forms of self-love there is. It is the epitome of self-expression which can only be done when one is truly at peace with their inner being. Everyone – and I do mean everyone – has a creative side within them. Even if your goals are more logic-based, you can still use creativity to get you back on course.

Once you accept the truth of who you are, you will no longer be persuaded by anyone else’s truth of who you should be. That alone will provide the freedom required to fully love and embrace yourself…and by that I mean your SELF! Nothing has meaning except for the meaning you give it. When you define yourself, by yourself, for yourself, to yourself all other opinions and definitions – good or bad – will no longer matter.

Self-Love Series Part 1: Understanding Self-Love

“To thine own self be true.” –

Let’s be honest, how many of you can say this statement represents our life? Are you being true to yourself, or are you living a façade? Most of us are the latter, but swear we’re living in the former…especially in the sector of self-love. Now hear me out, ladies! We have a very warped perception of the true definition of self-love. We’re led to believe that it means having our hair laid out, nails on point, toes on fleek (do people even still use that word?!), body snatched, and clothes cycled out every season for the latest trends. While this may be a 100th of a 10th of 1% true, it is by no means an honest measure of self-love. It may be a representation of your Love Language, but self-love is on another level.

First, let’s break down the two words (thanks, Merriam Webster!):

Self: the entire person of an individual

Love: unselfish loyal and benevolent concern for the good of another

Combine these two and you have the overall meaning of self-love: the act of being unselfish, loyal, and benevolently concerned for you. That sounds good, right? Is this really all there is to it?

In a word…no.

Self-love is so much deeper than a combined Merriam Webster definition. It goes beyond the physical appearance and resides on a deeper, cellular level. How we think…how we act…how we treat ourselves is an indicator of how much – or how little – self-love you possess. The way you carry yourself in person and in private are a direct reflection of how you value yourself. Before we dive in to what self-love is, let’s clarify what it is not.

Going back to my examples, these are not true signs of self-love. Yes, we all want to look good and personal care is a must, but that doesn’t equate self-love. In fact, we as women are notorious for using our outer appearance to hide our feelings. If we feel our body isn’t up to par, we wear clothing that hides our shape. If we dislike our hair, we cover it up with wigs and weaves. If our skin is less than perfect (God forbid we have a pimple or scar) we cover it with make-up. We look great on the outside, but it’s only to cover up the emptiness and inadequacy we feel on the inside. And who causes these feelings? Family? Friends? Lovers? The media? We can point as many fingers as we want, but the bottom line is WE are the cause of these feelings. “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” Eleanor Roosevelt stated this truth some decades ago and she was spot on. We’re so concerned about how appealing we are to others so THEY will love us, that we neglect to love our natural self. What do we end up doing instead? We hide behind the disguises of painted nails, false hair, compromised complexions, and uncomfortable clothing – all for the sake of love.

Ladies, this is not true self-love. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to look good so long as you’re doing it for YOU and not THEM!

Here’s what real self-love looks like. It’s proper rest and nutrition. It’s laughing and smiling genuinely because you’re happy with yourself. It’s complimenting other women in a positive light. It’s living the life that you desire. It’s being grateful for everyone and everything in your life. It’s spending quality time with yourself doing what you love. It’s practicing your beliefs. It’s being you…unashamed and unapologetically!

When I first understood self-love I was on the other side of the spectrum. In fact, I was so far on the other side I didn’t even bother to hide it. My focus was on everyone else: kids, family, not-so-significant others. Everyone got a piece of my love except for me. As far as receiving it…that was a foreign concept. Do you know what it’s like to never be told that you’re loved? That you’re beautiful? That you are appreciated? Now imagine that being your entire life. Growing up, these words were non-existent. It was just assumed, I guess. So, of course, the first time someone told me they “loved me” I was ecstatic! I didn’t bother to think if they were telling the truth or why they said it in the first place. I don’t even think I knew what the word “love” really meant. I was just so enamored a the fact that someone finally – FINALLY – told me they loved me. Too bad that person lied…and so did the next one…and the next one…and on and on and on.

It would take years of disappointments, let downs, and false illusions to finally accept that none of these claims (made by not-so-significant others and friends) were true. It would take just as long to rebound from the hurt and confusion it caused me to feel. If they never really loved me, did that mean I was unlovable? Did I even know the true meaning of love? Again, it would be years before I finally GOT it.

You see, where most of us as women go wrong is we look for others to love us instead of learning to first love ourselves. In order to love ourselves, we need to know ourselves. In order to know ourselves, we need to spend time within ourselves. Only then are we capable of self-love, and it isn’t until we master self-love that we are truly able to love others. Otherwise, we’re simply lost souls seeking a “feeling” that we think is love, but we’re not quite sure because we don’t really know what love is ourselves. Once we get that understanding, we become force to be reckoned with!

This week, I want you to spend some time defining self-love. What does it mean to you? Are you living out the true meaning of self-love, or are you covering it up with distractions and illusions to mask the pain? What will it take to improve your self-love? Share your story below. This blog isn’t just about me…it’s about US! Look for the video blog expounding on this topic in a few days. You can view my current and previous videos here.

Love your SELF during renovation!

Ahh…Valentine’s Day is tomorrow. The day we shower our loved ones with candy, cards, stuffed animals, and other trinkets. It’s also the day we curse for being fake, commercialized, glamorized, and created for profit’s sake.

Honey, listen.

Your thoughts about Valentine’s Day are valid…because they’re your thoughts. Maybe you love the day. Maybe you loathe it. Maybe it brings up beautiful memories of how you met your spouse. Maybe it’s not even recognized as a day and you’re still pretending it’s February 13th. Whatever the case may be, look past the “holiday” and see the purpose of it.

This day is about love. It’s about caring for individuals in a way that may or may not be deserving. It’s about putting someone else’s needs before your own simply because you value them that much. To me, Valentine’s Day isn’t a chance to show off how much you love your mate to the public. It’s a day to prove to someone that you love and value them…in private.

That can be hard to do, especially if you’re still healing from a broken heart. I understand because I’ve been there. Hell, technically I’m STILL there! There are different levels of pain when it comes to a broken heart. There’s the level due to the loss of a love one through death. There’s the level due to loss of a loved one intimately (breaking up). And there’s the level due to loss of SELF! This is the level I want to address because – in my opinion – this is the hardest heart break of all to heal from – but it’s also the EASIEST to recover.

When I say, “loss of self,” what I’m referring to is forgetting about the essence of who you are. This could have been done for the sake of pleasing someone else. It could have been due to extensive responsibilities. Or maybe you were never taught how to love your self so you didn’t, in fact, lose it…you never had it. When we neglect our own needs it becomes hard to meet the needs of others. When they don’t understand this neglect of self and still demand things from us, it can also make us resentful.

This is dangerous for several reasons. Resentment blocks our ability to reason. It prevents us from seeing the full picture because we’re so focused on what’s being taken from us; we don’t stop to see what we’re giving ourselves. It also makes it harder for others to love us because we automatically group everyone in the category of “leeches” and assume they just want to stick their grimy straws in our backs and suck us dry. That may not be the case, but when we have no love for self and set no boundaries it sure can seem that way.

That’s why it’s important to step back from everyone and everything for a while and refuel your own cup. You need to get into the habit of loving you even when it’s hard to love others. We get so wrapped up in trying to prevent others from breaking our hearts that we don’t see how we’re breaking our own hearts daily. Love isn’t outside of you. It’s within you. When you love yourself properly it begins to REFLECT outside of you. So the love that you believe others have – or don’t have – for you is really a REFLECTION of the love you have for yourself.

Now the question is how are you loving yourself? What have you done to please you lately? Do you even know your love language? If not, find out what it is here. Once you know how to love you, then you can fall passionately in love with your SELF. Then and only then will the additional love from others have true meaning.

This Valentine’s Day, spend some time loving you even if you’re recovering from loving others. It’s okay to still show love to others as well, even if you’re working on healing yourself. No one has ever been hindered by love. Lust…yes. Love…no way! The best way to heal your heart is to use it. Start inward and work your way out. The more you love, the faster you’ll heal.

How will you  love yourself this Valentine’s Day? Share your ideas below.

Are you struggling with learning to love yourself? Let me show you how vital love is to your personal growth.


Short Story: Gladly (Flashback Friday)

This story was originally written 8/8/2008. It’s one of my favorite short stories to date. Every Friday you can look forward to a new mini-adventure. For now, here’s a snippet from the past.

Gladly ©

 Written via Blogger on 8/8/08

 By: Diamond Cartel

 *This story is inspired by the song “Gladly” by Sy Smith

Four in the morning, and he still isn’t home. This wouldn’t be unusual if it was the weekend, but it’s late Tuesday night…early Wednesday morning…however you want to look at it. Either way, the bastard is still not home…and Maya is pissed!

She’s been dealing with Jamael for three years. Three long years. Their relationship was solid in the beginning. No one could split them apart. It was like they were conjoined twins, always together…always smiling…always happy. Then one day it just stopped. No warning signs, no slow progression to change, nothing. He just woke up one day and was never the same. Everyone told her that the signs were always there. He was “too clingy” as her BFF Chante’ put it. He was “too happy” was what her brother Raheem said. “Too emotionally attached” was how her father put it out to her. She didn’t take heed to any of their warnings though. She thought they were all just jealous that she finally found someone to love her like he did. Jamael used to buy her all kinds of gifts; from diamond bracelets, to weekend vacations in Miami, to flowers just because. He was buttering her up, and once he had her marinated just like he wanted, he stopped. That was two and a half years ago, and there is no sign that he’s going to go back to his old ways anytime soon.

Five AM; still no phone call. “He must be out fucking somebody!” Maya thought to herself, becoming even more enraged. This was happening more and more often. Especially in the past two months. Was it the summer heat? The parading of loose, young girls leaving nothing to the imagination except how quickly you can get them out of their thongs? Was it his boys getting into his head? They were all single…maybe that’s what he was missing. Maybe he was trying to be like his friends and have freedom.

“Then what the fuck did he give me this ring for?” Maya screamed. She wanted to take the 2 carat diamond and platinum engagement band and haul it across the bedroom. As she sat on the side of the bed she stared at the ring, twisting it back and forth on her finger. It felt heavy…so heavy. Not because of the weight of the diamond, but because of the weight of the burden associated with it. She couldn’t do this anymore. She couldn’t stand being left alone and neglected anymore. Too many lies. Too many mistakes. Too many infidelities. She almost wished he would hit her, then there would be nothing left he could do to her. Two miscarriages, one abortion, and one encounter with the one-two punch of gonorrhea and chlamydia….she should have left him when the fire died. Instead she stayed and got burned…literally.

“That’s it!”, she said. She’d had enough. She got out of bed and started towards the kitchen. As she walked away, her cell phone rang. Quickly, she lunged across the bed to answer it.

“Hello?” She didn’t even bother to look at the number, but before she even heard the voice on the other line her stomach turned into knots.

“Maya?” A woman said.

“Yes, who’s this?” Maya asked with concern. Her anger turned into fear, thinking something happened to Jamael.

“That’s ar-relevent.” Hoodrat was Maya’s first inclination. The girl couldn’t even pronounce irrelevant right. Instantly, she knew where this call was going. “I just wanted to let you know that Jay is on his way home. Sorry I kept him out so late, but it’s been a while and I needed him to break me off real bad.”

Maya’s skin got hot. She was beyond pissed now. Not only was this chick calling her at all odd hours of the night…hell morning now…she had the nerve to tell her what her man was doing out so late.

“Are you fucking serious? You’re going to come at me with that bullshit bitch?” Maya was about to give her the business, then she stopped herself. She knew this chick obviously had no self respect, so what would cursing her out do? “You know what….thanks for the update. I’m hanging up now before I make you feel any more insecure than you already do.”

“What the fuck is that supposed to mean?!”

Click. Maya could barely contain herself. Her eyes were red and blazing. She barely slept, and after two thirty she was just up…waiting…wondering…fearing…and this is what was going on. The girl could be lying. Sadly, with Jamael’s history that was unlikely. She proceeded to head to the kitchen again. She needed something to calm her down. She had to clear her head before her alter ego came out and wrecked shop. She grabbed a shot glass and the bottle of Citron left in the fridge from their BBQ two days ago. For twenty minutes she sat, drank, and contemplated. Then she got up, with a sly smile. She knew EXACTLY what she was going to do.

It was a quarter to seven before Jamael stumbled in the house. He got there around six thirty, but was sitting in his car in the driveway. Maya was watching him through the blinds, becoming even more enraged as she looked at his silhouette. As soon as he came in the door, she was all over him.

“So…you finally made it home, huh?”

“Come on man, don’t start. I had a long night and I’m not up for arguing with your ass right now.”

“Damn, her pussy wore you out like that?”

Jamael stopped. He knew she knew what was going on, but was not about to admit to a damn thing.

“Here you go, accusing a nigga of shit. I ain’t been out fucking no bitch.” Jamael headed towards the kitchen.

“That’s not what she told me.” He stopped. Jamael turned towards her with a look of shock, but it came across as a look of guilt. “And there it is.”

“Who called you?” Jamael asked, in an almost demanding voice.

“I don’t know her name, and at this point it’s IRR-elevant. By the way, tell the bitch if she’s going to use twenty dollar words, she needs to at least know how to pronounce them.”

“What the fuck ever, ain’t nobody call you.”

Maya walked back to the room. She came back into the kitchen and slammed her phone on the table in front of Jamael. He shot up. “You can also tell the bitch that if she’s going to call somebody being funny that she might want to learn how to block her number as well.”

He was caught. There was nothing he could say. He recognized the number. Lisha. He tried to reach out for Maya, but she backed away.

“I have to get ready for work, and when I get back you better be gone.”

“Let me explain…”

Maya was already in the bathroom by the time he even got the sentence out. Jamael sat at the table. He was drunk, tired, and busted. A bad combination. On top of that he felt like he was going to be sick. He was so drunk that he could probably make himself sober with one more shot. He grabbed the shot glass that Maya left on the table. He threw it back in one gulp. Then he put his head down again. The next thing he knew he heard the door slam. Maya was off to work, without so much as a goodbye. Jamael got up and headed to the bedroom. He fell on his back and passed out.

Six weeks later, Maya was beginning to feel like herself again. Jamael had done a lot of damage to her physically, mentally, and emotionally, but since that faithful day when she ended it all she had been working on rebuilding what she let him destroy. Her family was surprisingly supportive. No “I told you so’s”, no “See, if you had listened to me’s”, she only got love and support which was what she needed right now.

As she walked into her home, she was sorting through her mail. She got a letter from the state of Georgia. Nervously she opened it. It was the results of the autopsy done on Jamael. They ruled his death as a result of alcohol poisoning. She was no longer a suspect of murder. With tears in her eyes, she cried with relief. She called her family immediately with the good news. It took about an hour to get though the phone calls and conversations, but she was glad she was no longer a suspect. Granted she was a nurse and had access to many medications, but none were found in his system. Just a Blood Alcohol level of .596, marijuana, evidence of ecstasy, and another brewing round of gonorrhea. Luckily, that was what he caught from Lisha.

Once she was done, she poured herself a glass of champagne. She toasted her release of being a suspect. Then she said a prayer. She asked God for forgiveness and to heal her spirit from negative karma. Afterwards, she took a sip and walked into the living room to watch the news. Since she would no longer be the headline story, she could bare it again. As she sat there, she couldn’t help but to smile. Freedom was finally hers….and no one would ever know what was really in that last shot of Citron.

Copyright 2008 Diamond Cartel All Rights Reserved

Self-Love Challenge – Day 4: Trust Your Instincts

What are instincts? It’s the feeling you get when you know a certain action needs to take place in your life. We all have natural instincts and because we deal with them every day they seem to be second nature to us. Some people confuse instincts with intuition. They’re different, but they work together. Intuition is more of a feeling – knowing the outcome of a particular situation or event. Instincts can guide you through this intuitive feeling. Today’s focus was to trust my instincts and ACT on what I FELT!

…and that I did!

And you know what? It felt good to listen to myself and take action on matters that I would have otherwise disregarded. Because I trusted my instincts and acted on what I intuitively felt I was able to save myself time, money…and possibly my life! We instinctively know when danger is near…or when something is wrong…or when feelings need to be expressed, and it’s up to us to act on those instincts. I was met with all three scenarios today and in all three I acted accordingly.

I must say this Self-Love challenge is really teaching me how to love myself on a totally different level. These small – yet significant – moments have taught me that Self-Love is something you can’t purchase in a store, order from a catalog, or expect in a box. It’s how you TREAT yourself on a DAILY BASIS! It’s how you carry yourself. It’s how you listen to yourself. It’s how you protect yourself…from yourself. There are so many levels to Self-Love and I’m only beginning to scratch the surface. Even with the few things I’ve discovered so far I can tell a major difference in my inner and outer world. This challenge is definitely making me a better person.

Tomorrow’s focus: Never speak bad about yourself. AKA Always speak good about yourself!

I had to flip it to reflect something positive. I do my best to stay away from “poison words” so the next few days will be flipped slightly to represent the silver lining instead of the dark cloud.

Now, for tomorrow I want to propose a challenge on top of a challenge. For every hour that you’re awake I want you to verbally, out loud, say something POSITIVE ABOUT YOURSELF…TO YOURSELF!!! The more you do this, the more it engrains itself into your subconscious mind…and the more you believe it. And when you BELIEVE it, you ACHEIVE it! So let’s do some mental, emotional, and spiritual transformation tomorrow and begin to SPEAK better into our lives! I’m up for the extra challenge! Are you?

Life Is Too Short! Enjoy the Music While You Still Can Today!

I just heard some disheartening news. A few hours ago, one of my favorite 90’s music artist, Chris Kelly from Kris Kross, was found dead in his home. There is no cause of death at this time. He was only 34 years old. So full of talent. So full of life. So full of ambition.

And now he’s gone.

Here’s the thing, people. We all sit around, twiddling our thumbs, waiting for something “magical” or “enlightening” to happen BEFORE we start living our life. Well all of that sitting around is going to get you nowhere! Nowhere at all! You don’t have yesterday. You don’t have tomorrow. You only have right now…this moment…to live your life. Your goals, your dreams, your family, your purpose…they’re all waiting for you right now, in this moment, to make a decision and become proactive.

One of the reasons why I liked Chris Kelly so much – besides him being my teenage crush – is he has so much energy to him! His vibe was on fire and I loved it! The high jumps, the fast raps, the flow…it got to me. He didn’t wait for someone to tell him to live his dreams of being in the music industry. He went out there against all odds and, with his partner Chris Smith, made it happen. They both did. And they did it their way with the backwards pants, odd dances, and charisma that could not be duplicated. That’s why they were a huge success.

He lived his life to the fullest and even though he has passed on no one will ever be able to take his accomplishments, his experiences, or his mark on the world from him. No one. But do you know why that is? Because he made a decision. He stepped out on faith, faced any fears he had, and he made it happen. He was willing to accept his worse case scenario and prove to his ego, and anyone that doubted him, that the worse case was NOT going to happen! For that reason, I will always honor and remember him.

Was he perfect? No! Did he have flaws? Yes! But guess what? We all do! Don’t let that stop you from living your best life right now, in this moment. It’s the only thing that’s guaranteed besides death.

Rest in Eternal Paradise, Chris Kelly. Your life was not in vain.

What is your favorite Kris Kross song? Tell me below…




Love WHO you are…WHERE you are…right HERE…right NOW!

I’m on my way out to Love and live life, but this struck a chord with me so I had to share!

In my journey and conscious decision to return to my natural Love Center a lot of things have untangled and unraveled in my life…in a good way. Thoughts, beliefs and “rules” that I thought were true turned out to be not for me. One of these is the belief that in order to be happy and fulfilled I need to put all of my focus and energy into creating the future. This is only a half-truth. Yes, one needs to put in time and energy into designing and manifesting the future they want to experience, but that’s only half the story.

The other half has to happen right here, right now, in the present.

You see, if you spend all your days fantasizing, focusing on, and stressing your future you will miss the pure joy of being in the moment TODAY! Because it’s the moments that you create TODAY that help to build your TOMORROW! There is no way you can have the tomorrow you want if you’re living in tomorrow because in order to have your tomorrow you have to put in the effort today.

Did you catch that? Good!

Now allow me to dispel some future-hindering beliefs for you:

You are where you’re supposed to be…TODAY!

You are who you’re supposed to be…TODAY!

You have what you’re supposed to have…TODAY!

You know what you need to know…TODAY!

You life is as it should be…TODAY!

Only when you recognize and accept this will you be able to formulate your tomorrow. Stop living in the future because your LIFE is happening NOW! It’s always been NOW and it will always be NOW! It will never be LATER! This is not the candy, people! This is real! This is raw! This is un-rehearsed, live action, do-or-die! If you can’t be a good steward of your life right HERE, right NOW…how will you or your Higher Power know you’ll be a better steward when your later becomes your NOW?

Today is the future of yesterday. Tomorrow is the future today. So in a sense you’re already living IN your future, but you’re still worried about future futures. Enjoy life and Love every single moment of it TODAY! By just making this once commitment to yourself you will automatically shift from stressing about how your future will be to creating how you want it to be…simply…by living…TODAY!

Now get OFF the computer and INTO the world! Live, Laugh and Love TODAY! It’ll make for a happier, brighter tomorrow!

The ULTIMATE Love Test: Loving Your Enemy

God Bless America if I wasn’t tested today!

My children’s donor (don’t ask…just flow with it) is in town. I took them to his father’s house so they can spend the weekend with him. They haven’t seen him in 4 1/2 years. There’s a long, stressful, and slightly violent background to this, but I’ll spare you the details. Anyway, so the entire situation had me stressing all week. Last night I even had an emotional breakdown. Not because of him, but because I just can’t understand how people can do so many bad and negative things and still be “blessed.” For a moment I thought I was doing something wrong and decided to become just as selfish as everyone else. That lasted all of five minutes. It’s not in my character nor my Spirit to be that way. I realized that the issue wasn’t with them, but with how I REACT to them. So I’ve decided to change my perspective by changing my reactions.

So what does this have to do with the ultimate Love test?

In order to grow in Love you have to be tested…tried…pushed to the limits even. Well, it’s fairly easy for me to Love just about anyone – be it up close or far away. However, their donor is my one Achilles’ Heel so to speak. It’s been a real challenge to overlook the hurt, pain, violence and disrespect that had befallen upon me on his behalf. But as the years went by – and as I grew wiser – I came to the understanding that he was only doing what he was taught and what he knew. Just like I was responding in ways that I was taught and doing what I knew. This was easy to accept when he was a time zone and 18 hours away. It’s not as easy now that he’s literally within 20 minutes of where I’m staying.

Enter: the challenge.

If I can accept the situation when he’s so far away, why is it so hard to accept it when he’s closer? It’s because the distance acts as a smokescreen for what I really feel. My reasoning was that so long as he’s far away he can never hurt me again. I can come to grips with our past, accept it, and move on…and I have. Yet when he’s close I literally feel his negative energy. He’s very toxic to me. You don’t need to repeatedly stick your hand in fire to know you’ll get burned. This is my logic when it comes to him. I know he’s bad for my energy, so why would I want to be around him?

I don’t.

And I’m not ashamed of it. Yet in a sense I have to because we have two children together, so eventually we’re going to cross paths. I’m still a work in progress with this concept, so I won’t speak on it as if I’ve mastered it. For me, it is easy to “Love” and accept the reality of our demise when he’s far, far, FAR away. Now that he’s closer it’s become harder. My ego wants to be activated so she can go all in on him, yet that’s not the person I desire to be. The berating, belittling, judging and condemning is not a good look on me. It’s not a good look on anyone, really. So when you come across someone who makes you WANT to act in this way it’s best to keep them as far away from you as possible.

I’m still learning the path of Unconditional Love. I’m still learning – as many religious and Spiritual texts say – to “Love thy enemy.” I’m learning. It’s hard, but I’m learning.

Grade: Pending