We made it through another year. How you view this year matters not. It’s over and done with. Focus on your NOW so that your future now is amazing, awesome, and abundant!
This year, I was able to read 32 books! Most were audio books, as I’m always on the go, but they all contributed to my growth this year in one way or another. In case you’re looking for some good reads to develop yourself personally or professionally here are the books that helped me tremendously this year:
The Millionaire Mind – Thomas Stanley, Ph.D.
Think & Grow Rich – Napoleon Hill
Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff – Richard Carlson, Ph.D.
Radical Self Love – Gala Darling
We’re Going to Need More Wine – Gabrielle Union
Succulent Wild Woman – Sark
You Can Heal Your Life – Louise Hay
Welcome to My Breakdown – Benilde Little
Excuses Begone – Dr. Wayne Dyer
The Magic of Thinking Big – David Schwartz, Ph.D.
Hurricane (Shameless plug, but I did read it!) – Diamond Cartel
Happy Women Live Better – Valorie Burton
The 4 Agreements – Don Miguel Ruiz
The 5th Agreement – Don Miguel Ruiz & Don Jose Ruiz
Unshakeable – Tony Robbins
The Golden Rule – Ilene Cooper
The 4 Hour Work Week (Expanded Edition) – Tim Ferriss
Into the Magic Shop – James Doty, M.D.
As I Die Slowly (Yet another shameless plug!) – Diamond Cartel
Men, Women, & Worthiness – Brené Brown
Money: Master the Game – Tony Robbins
E3 – Pam Grout
Real Money Answers for Every Woman – Patrice Washington
Abundance Now – Lisa Nichols
See You at the Top – Zig Ziglar
Act Like A Success, Think Like A Success – Steve Harvey
Sisterly Bond (:o>) – Diamond Cartel
Big Magic – Elizabeth Gilbert
Get Out of Your Mind and Into Your Life – Steven Hayes, Ph.D.
The Last Black Unicorn – Tiffany Haddish
What I Know for Sure – Oprah Winfrey
The 12 Week Year – Brian Morgan & Michael Lennington
I already have nine books on deck for 2019! Let me put this disclaimer out there. It’s not just enough to read the books. You must find what resonates with you and APPLY it to your life on a DAILY basis! This isn’t and one-and-done process, people! It takes time to incorporate all of this goodness. I would be remiss if I didn’t acknowledge that I, too, am still applying some of these principles. Know what you want, find support in your literature, and apply it rigorously and diligently until it becomes second nature. Do that and I assure you every future NOW moment in 2019 will be amazing!
Honey, listen! Sometimes you have to step back and take care of YOU! That’s what I’ve been doing for the past couple of weeks and will continue to do until 1/1/2018. This is my season to be still, be silent, and re-calibrate myself and my goals!
Not everything needs an announcement; however, I’m not trying to be victim to obscurity. When I first decided to take a break I was going to do it on a personal and professional level. What I’ve learned in the last two weeks is that while it’s perfectly fine for me to take a personal “time out”…it’s not healthy nor wise for my business to do the same. I’m still working diligently behind the scenes speaking with clients, creating new content, and participating in events. I’m also working on making 2018 one hell of a professional year! (Side note: if you haven’t yet, I implore you to read/listen to 10X by Grant Cardone! He is the REAL DEAL!)
On a personal note, I’m refilling my self love tank…amongst other things…and plan to come back bigger, better, and more #F3 than ever! LOL! You’ll see that emergence in due time.
With that being said, I’m going back under, but ISYS LLC is rising again! If you’re in need of a coach, speaker, or women’s advocacy panelist you can contact me at coachcartel@isysconnections.com.
No one likes death. Even though it’s simply a transference of the Spirit from one realm to another, that doesn’t make it any easier to deal with. What’s even worse than death is an unexpected death. The removal of someone from your life in, what has been called, “an untimely manner.” This type of death leaves you asking a million questions, the main one being, “Why?”
Here’s the thing though. Death isn’t always the absence of life in the body. Sometimes, it can be the absence of life in other areas as well. Last year was full of unexpected deaths for me, but I’m not talking about the death of a loved one (although that, too, struck a strong chord with me). I’m referring to the death of relationships: three to be exact. And every single one was unexpected in it’s timing, process, and outcome.
Who were these relationship deaths? *breaths* The death of the man I was in love with. The death of my marriage (no, it wasn’t the same person…soon you’ll understand). Finally – and probably the most painful – the death of my best friend. All of these relationships ended within months of each other. It felt like I was spiraling out of control. Hindsight can be 20/20 at times. Right now, this is as clearly as I can see – we’ll call it 15/20 – because I’m not done grieving yet.
So how did I deal with these deaths?! Well, at the time I was all over the place – or so I thought. Today, I realized I had been going through the grieving stage – and didn’t even know it. There are five main stages of grief (along with sub-stages) that I went thought…and none of them were fun.
*credit: Pinterest
Denial: Nah, this wasn’t really happening. I wasn’t being choked in my own bedroom by my ex-husband in front of my son. He was just stressed. I wasn’t still in love with a man that said he loved me, but wasn’t ready to commit. I broke that feeling years ago. Our bond was 20 years solid…she didn’t just abandon me like that. It was the wedding and school stress that caused her disappearance. I made an excuse for every single demised relationship. I blamed it on schedules, mind games, mercury retrograde…you name it, I faulted it. I faulted everything except the parties involved. I mean, things happen and soon we’d get it together…right? Wrong! That man I was so madly in love with…can’t even return an email. The ex-husband who wanted to “work it out?” I guess he decided I’d be better off dead. And my best friend of 20 years? Well, I guess that’s not long enough for loyalty.
ANGER: Oh, I was mad! BIG MAD!!! How could I commit so much of myself for so long only to reap nothing in return? How was I so stupid to believe that my marriage was real, or that “he” was the one, or that the way I treated and supported her would be returned when the shoe was on the other foot? How could they all abandon me like that, leaving me in a dust pile of nothingness, covered in scars, blood, and tears – and not even say they were sorry? And how could I let them? Where was my self-respect? How did I not see this coming? Why were they placed on pedestals while I was merely an option in a cabinet? He told me he wasn’t ready. Why did I fall in love with him anyway? He told me he was from the streets. What made me think he would be a good husband? I was always – ALWAYS – there for her. Where in the hell was she when I needed her?
Depression: If I wasn’t so against medication I’d probably be on every psych pill known to man. This shit hurt, I mean HURT! This wasn’t a one night stand, or a 6 month boy toy, or a casual chick I’d hang out with if I was super bored. This guy was the epitome of everything I wanted in a man. This man was the one I committed myself to in front of a judge AND God…after driving NINE HOURS to get to him! This was a 20 year friendship filled with kids, birthday parties, clubbing nights, hospital visits, and family connections. These weren’t just everyday people. These were individuals that had my heart…my SOUL! Casual acquaintances be damned…these three meant EVERYTHING to me and left me feeling like I meant NOTHING to them! No amount of cake, music, or clinical therapy in the world could take the pain I was feeling – and am still feeling – away.
Bargaining: Talk about making deals with – nope…I’m not going to say it. But I will say this is my current stage…yet within the last few days it’s flipped. At first, I was thinking of reaching out to these people – well, everyone except my ex-husband. He can go f**k himself! But I wanted to reach out to the man I loved and see if maybe, just maybe, we could be friends. I mean, sure he may still not be ready, but we can be friends…right? I was thinking about reaching out to my ex-best friend. Maybe it really was the stress of school and the wedding. Maybe she didn’t know what to say or how to say it. Maybe she tried – she really tried – but she just couldn’t come out and say what she really wanted to say. I battled with my mind and my ego back and forth on this for weeks. The holidays – ugh – they were the worst! It just wasn’t the same.
And then it hit me…the bargaining isn’t about getting back with them; it’s about getting back on track.
That’s where I am right now. I’m no longer trying to find ways or excuses to rekindle dead relationships. I’m no longer beating myself up for trusting individuals. I’m no longer playing “victim” nor “survivor.” I’m simply trying to find a way to move on in life without them. I’m finding ways to heal from the hurt. I’m finding a purpose for the pain. I’m making a deal with myself to be a better version of myself.
What’s after this? The final stage: Acceptance.
No, I’m not completely there yet, and that’s okay. These stages bleed into one another. So I guess you can say I’m at a healthy 4.7; still bargaining, but I have pretty much accepted the fact that I may never see nor hear from these individuals again. It used to hurt, but I’ve been though that. I was mad about it, but I’ve been though that. I was sad about it, but I’ve been though that. Now it’s time to get real about it. Their season is over in my life. My season is over in their life. No one is any more right or wrong than anyone else. Who knows, they may feel a certain type of way about me. If that’s the case, and on the rare chance they’re actually reading this, I apologize. Nothing was intentional; it was simply the actions of a broken person, not an evil spirit. I’ve learned and grown from it and I pray that you have, too.
The reason why I’m sharing this with you is two-fold. First, I need an outlet. Since I have no BFF anymore – outside of my Misfits – there’s no one I trust enough to vent to that could handle it. It’s part of my bargaining stage: to face what was, what is, and what is soon to be. I’m okay with that. The second reason is because as a coach this is what I help other women overcome. I didn’t have anyone to hold my hand through my stages. I want to be that hand for the next person…as a support system…without judgment or belittlement. I’m not a therapist, nor do I want to be. All they do is ask a bunch of repetitive questions based on the past. No real, current healing can begin that way. (Not knocking therapists…but from experience it just didn’t work from me).
Grieving can cause road blocks that prevent you from living, laughing, and Loving again. It’s imperative to get back to life after death. You may not know how…but I do, and I’m here to help you. What are you grieving in your life? How are you handling it? What stage are you in? (If you say none it’s denial! LOL! I KID!) No matter what life used to knock you down, no matter what relationship, opportunity, or career path has died, you can recover and you can move on.
Leave your story below. Inspire someone else. Need more help, guidance, or clarity? Contact me at www.isyspublications.com/contact.
The time is upon us! Tomorrow is the first day of National Novel Writing Month and I, Diamond Cartel, have yet again committed to writing another 50,000-plus word banger in 30 days. Why? Well, because:
I’m insane!
It keeps my creativity going.
I prefer to leave no second of the day untouched.
Did I say I was insane?!
Seriously, I’ve done this challenge with NaNoWriMo, the organization that hosts the yearly event, since 2008. I’ve participated every year with the exception of 2 years. This time I’m going to up the challenge on myself. While the goal of the challenge is to write a 50,000 word novel in 30 days, I want to write a 65,000-plus word novel in that amount of time. It’s going to require hard work, focus, dedication – and lots and LOTS of cake – but I know it can be done.
So what does NaNoWriMo have to do with motivation?! Everything! NaNoWrimo is the challenger. The word count of 50,000 within 30 days is the goal. There’s a SMART system here (specific, measurable, achievable, realistic, timely). Completion and inner satisfaction (because, real talk, there is no cash prize) is the reward. Whenever you set a goal in life – whether it’s writing a novel in 30 days or preparing to move in a year – you need to lay the foundation for the goal in order to succeed. If you’re not prepared when it’s time to start, you’re only adding frustration to delay and reduce your chances of completion.
When I decided to participate in NaNoWriMo this year I made sure to do several things to honor my commitment:
Update my novel submission page
Write out my story title, synopsis
Set my writing schedule
Put everyone on notice (my kids literally rolled their eyes!)
Set reward milestones to keep me motivate
Made a commitment that no matter if, when, or how I fall behind I will keep pushing forward
You have to do the same with your goals, whatever they may be. Set your intentions, lay your foundation, put the right people on notice, CELEBRATE along the way, and commit to accomplishing your goal no matter what happens! NaNoWriMo isn’t just about writing stories to me. It’s about improving my goal setting practices. It’s about dreaming bigger and stretching myself personally and professionally. I’m not just creating a new novel. I’m creating a new chapter in my own life! I can’t wait to get started tomorrow! Let’s see how this pans out!
If you’d like to sign up for NaNoWriMo (no worries, it’s FREE!) visit www.nanowrimo.org and register. Join in on the fun and feel free to add me as a writing buddy!
Here it is, yet another Monday, and you’re back at your traditional job – doing your traditional tasks – and living yet another unfulfilling day in your unfulfilling life. Le sigh. Is this ever going to get better? Is this all there is to life…my life? You keep asking yourself the same questions over and over, hoping and praying that one day you’ll wake up and will be living the life of your dreams.
But here’s the thing. You already have the answers to these questions. The answers lie in your actions – or lack thereof. Is this ever going to get better? It will when you decide to get better. Is this all there is to life…my life? It is if that’s all you’re working toward. See, despite how commercial people make the glamorous life look, you can enjoy those same experiences if you would just DECIDE to experience them! No one is stopping your life from getting better except for you. No one is hindering you from having the life of your dreams except for you. The key is in your hands – it always was – and you have the power to open and close any door you wish.
Now let’s get some clarity on my view of this blog. When I say YOUR LIFE that’s exactly what I mean! I’m not talking about the flashy life, the famous life, the well-to-do life. I’m talking about YOUR life how YOU see it. But you don’t know what I want in my life. You’re right…I don’t…and I don’t need to know because the same principle applies whether you want to be a billionaire or backpacking throughout eastern Europe; whether you want to be a Grammy award winning singer or a Guru of all things Amish; whether you want to be an entrepreneur or employee of the year. How you view YOUR life and YOUR success is YOUR business, not mine. My job is to inform you that it’s all within your reach. You just have to go get it.
So what are some of the things stopping you from living the life you’ve always wanted to experience? A dead end job? Naysayers? Dependency on others? Afraid of criticism? Your hair’s not long enough? Your shoes are too tight? *Insert every other lame excuse here*
Honey, listen…there will always, always – let me reiterate – ALWAYS be an “excuse” as to why you can’t live the life of your dreams. But that’s all they are…EXCUSES!!! And what are excuses made out of? Fear. And where does fear come from? The unknown. And what’s so scary about the unknown? It’s not familiar. And we all know what familiarity breeds, right? Contempt. And what’s wrong with contempt? It means something is worthless or beneath you. So…in a sense…making excuses is protecting what’s worthless or beneath you.
Now does it make any sense to protect what’s BENEATH you?
So why would you make excuses holding on to a life that you know doesn’t serve you? Not only does it not serve you, it doesn’t help you serve anyone else. Even the most selfish person gives carbon dioxide back to the trees! (Think about it.) We’re not here for ourselves. We’re here for each other, but until we reside in and live from our truth we’re just taking up space, wasting time, and being irresponsible with our presence and our purpose. It’s more than the glitz and glamour that makes you desire the life you want. Marketing and branding have you thinking that’s what’s important – but you and I both know it’s deeper – WAY DEEPER – than that.
So here’s what I want you to do. I want you to sit with yourself, in silence, away from any technological and/or human distractions. I want you to think about your life, where it is now, where you want it to go, and where you might end up if you stay on this current road. Then I want you to do three things: dream…vision…grind! Dream about what your life will look like, feel like, smell like, taste like, sounds like (yes, honey, we’re using ALL FIVE SENSES) to YOU…not anyone else. I want you to vision the steps you need to take to make those senses come to life. Then – and this is the most important step – I want you to grind like you’ve never grinded before!!! Mercilessly! Fervently! With intensity, passion, and urgency! Your life has waited long enough for you to come and claim it. Make the vow TODAY to go after the life YOU desire! Don’t wait until your birthday. Don’t wait until New Year’s Day. Don’t wait until someone close to you passes away. And for goodness sake do not wait for yet another success story!!! You’ve heard enough of them! It’s time to create your own!!!
Now, in the words of Spock (and don’t kill me if I don’t get this 100% right)…”Go forth and prosper.” *insert Vulcan salute here*
Two words that paralyze growth. Two words that energize fear. Two words that can make or break your future. The phrase, “not enough…” is usually used in conjunction with an excuse. It’s a means to an end in regards to why you cannot – or, in reality, will not – achieve a goal in your life. So what are these excuses that generally follow these two dreaded words? Let’s uncover the more popular ones:
Time: Honey, listen! We all – let me reiterate that – WE ALL have the same 24 hours in a day! The amount of time you have is not dependent on the amount of money in your bank account, or the amount of energy you have, or the amount of people you know. None of these things can give you more time. None of them can take time away. Your 24 hours and my 24 hours are the same. What matters is what you DO with the 24 hours; that’s what makes the difference.
Money: Again, not an excuse! There are multi-millionaires that were born into money that haven’t accomplished a single thing. By the same token, there are people barely making a decent living on minimum wage that have touched more lives than any amount of money ever could. Not everything requires money, and ideas are plentiful – and free! You have to start somewhere, so do what you can with what you have now and the money that you THINK you need will come when you REALLY need it.
Energy: Lack of energy isn’t the real problem. The culprit here is lack of time management. Most of us are burnt out or overextended because we don’t know how to properly schedule our days. We have blocks of time where we’re trying to do too many things at once – and usually by ourselves – and when we do have down time we use it to run errands or catch up on mindless TV (which, believe it or not, is an energy draining source), or busy ourselves with unimportant tasks. We think if we stay up all hours of the night and try to get up early this will fit the “grind” schedule. WRONG!!! It makes no sense to sacrifice your energy – one of the main things you need to achieve your goal – by sacrificing sleep. By the same token, too much sleep can also drain your energy. Find the right amount of sleep that your body needs and build your schedule around it accordingly.
Support: Now this is a biggie! We all need, want, and desire to be loved, to feel important, and to have support. When these things are lacking they begin to take a toll on our self esteem. We start to feel inadequate, and that in turn affects us personally. We begin to question ourselves and our goals wondering if they even matter. Our goals do matter, with or without the support of others. Yes, achieving goals is so much better when you have a crowd of people surrounding you, yelling, cheering, and rooting you on. But if that crowd doesn’t exist, create it within yourself. After all, at the end of the day you are the only support system that you need.
I’m sure there are other “not enough…” reasons that you could come up with, but ask yourself, are they legit reasons? Is there any truth to them, or is it all in your head? Are they reality based, or made up by your subconscious mind as a way to prevent you from moving forward? At some point, you have to decide that “not enough…” is not good enough to stop you from achieving your goals. So whether it’s time, money, energy, or support you’re missing, find a way around it – there’s always a way – and keep striving towards success.
We have come to the end of another year. Once again, millions of humans will forget the old and focus on the new as they await the dawn of January 1, 2014. New Years Day is synonymous with a new start – a new beginning that will overshadow all the mess-ups of the past. Everyone is so gung ho to “get it right” this time…until they make a mistake. Then the madness sneaks in and things begin to spiral out of control. By mid-March all bets are off, the white flag has been waved, and one by one we slowly but surely descend back into the depths of our old habits, licking our wounds, and concealing our hurts as if we “didn’t really want it anyway!”
That’s how the story usually plays out. It’s an endless, vicious cycle for so many people. I know because I used to be one of those people. Every year I would make resolutions to have, be, and do something different. I even had one standard resolution every year: gain weight!
Hey, watch your mouth! It’s not my fault my metabolism is ridiculously high!
At any rate, I would do my best to make my resolutions happen, but somehow I always got sidetracked. Now that I think about it, I’m not sure if I even made it to mid-March. I was usually done by mid-February. Throughout March I’d make up tons of excuses. In April I slowly began to accept those excuses. By May I would forget all about my resolutions! It was a sad state of affairs, yet because no one was held accountable but me I was able to wiggle out of my attempted failures. After weeks of justification I felt it was okay to get back to my old life. After all, it wasn’t that bad…was it?
That all changed around 2008.
This is when I stopped making resolutions and started setting goals at the request of my first true mentor/male best friend. This is when I began to see why all of those resolutions never worked out – because deep inside I never wanted them to work out. They had no true meaning or value to me – even the gaining weight goal – so I didn’t care if they really happened or not. I was basically shooting blanks in the dark, not knowing if, when, how, or what I would hit – and not caring if I hit anything at all. Once I realized in 2008 that it was my job to design my life – and after taking a good, honest, long, HARD look at my life realizing that I wanted something better – I began to strive for something better. So on January 1, 2009 I made my first attempt at setting goals.
In the beginning I took baby steps. While I grasped the concept of goals and understood how they were different from resolutions, I still had a difficult time trying to see just “how” I wanted my life to be. For years I really only desired one thing: to be a loving wife and a great mother and have a family. Nothing else mattered to me: money, cars, career, notoriety – it wasn’t on my radar and I was okay with that. So when setting my goals I formed them around the desire of having a family. I spent more time with my kids, began to figure out what I needed, wanted, and desired in my husband, and started working on preparing myself to be a wife. It was…odd, to say the least…but it was working.
Ever since then that’s how I approached the New Year. By setting goals instead of resolutions, I created a higher chance of not only improving my life, but on improving myself as a person as well. Yet even through this process I’ve noticed that a lot of people still miss one key factor in setting – and KEEPING – their goals.
That key factor is ACCOUNTABILITY!
We all can set goals, resolutions, or whatever you want to call them. What’s really missing is having someone hold us ACCOUNTABLE for REACHING those goals! Every year I set something else in place to ensure that I keep moving forward and not fall too far back. (We’re going to backslide a time or two – that’s a fact of life – just don’t make it a habit.) I have not one, but TWO amazing, awesome accountability partners in my life. Not only do they hold me accountable for the goals that I set, but I do the same for them.
I also set rewards and consequences for each goal that I set. This is another key factor missing when people set goals. Of course, when our goal is met we celebrate and treat our self to something nice. But what do you do when you DON’T meet your goal? That’s just as important. Most of us, if we’re really honest with ourselves, will try to justify the reason why the goal wasn’t meant:
It’s not possible.
It was too hard.
It wasn’t for me in the first place.
Such-and-such left me high and dry.
(Insert any and all lame excuses here).
The truth of the matter is that we got lazy on our goal and just didn’t make it happen. When you do this it begins yet another vicious cycle that allows you to dismiss your goals as unimportant and/or insignificant. However, if you set a consequence to your goal – something you REALLY don’t want to do – it does two things. One, it causes you to think if the goal is right for you. Two, it holds you accountable to accomplish the goal. That creates inner integrity. I mean, think about it, if you can’t have integrity with yourself then how can you expect anyone else to have integrity with you?
So as you lye in wait for 2014 and prepare to, once again, make this THEE BEST YEAR EVER, think about what you want your life to look like on December 31, 2014. Then as you set your goals pair them up with a reward AND a consequence. Having both will help you to create honest, clear, huge, yet realistic goals for yourself. Once you have everything set in place you have to STICK WITH IT! And to make sure you stick with it get someone that you know and trust to be your accountability partner. Have them hold you to your word and you do the same for them. The climb to the top is better when you do it together! 2014 really can be better for you than any of the previous years combined…IF you set it up right! Get it together the first time and you’ll never have to worry about the mid-March goal assassinations again.
Here’s to your 2014! I’m lying in wait right along with you!
This was my biggest take away after an AMAZING weekend with over 6,000 of my WV family members (and no, that is NOT an exaggeration!). As you all know, when something strikes me I have to share. It is my duty to help make your life as easy and pain-free as possible. Of course, there will be pain, discomfort, and disappointments, but all of these feelings have a point. It is your inner alarm going off to let you know, “Hey, seriously! We need a change in here!” Well, my inner alarm has been going off for quite some time, and every time it does I hit the “snooze” button (delay a decision, disguise a problem with something distracting, justify inadequacy, etc.) That usually works for a bit, but sooner or later guess what? That alarm will be ringing loud and clear again!
Frankly, I got tired of hitting my snooze button. It wasn’t solving anything and it kept jolting me out of my sleep (life). It was disturbing, uncomfortable, and flat-out annoying. So I decided to wake up, sit up, and make some changes. How did I do that?
I went to the View!
What is the View? It’s a out-of-this-world seminar led by the incomparable Marc Accetta. This man, let me tell you, is a BEAST! OMGoodness he is so good! Three days of laughter, lessons, and light! I had THEE BEST time and I’m so glad that I went. But let’s rewind a few weeks before my attendance.
My alarm initially went off in June. I had officially been in Ohio for a year and my intended purpose for returning had been fulfilled. I purchased a car (fully paid for), got a job, and had a nice savings account stacked up. It was now time for me to move on with my life. Except…I didn’t. I stayed stuck. I became fearful of leaving “the nest” even though I had absolutely no reason for staying. So I began to get serious about where I wanted to relocate to next. I only knew of two things for certain: I wanted to move south and I didn’t want to be in Ohio anymore. But instead of making a decision I hit the snooze button…you know…just to give me some more time to think.
July: My alarm went off again. I became hot, irritated, and could not make a sound decision to save my life. I was still undecided so I hit the snooze button again.
August: This time when my alarm went off I sat up for a bit. I went to Mexico where I was officially introduced to my WV family. They showed me so much love, laughter, light, and LIFE that I HAD to finally wake up! It was the best four days of my life! When I returned home I was fired up and ready to solidify my decisions. Yet something started happening within me. That damn voice began talking – you know, the ego. Questions began to arise, but this time she was slick about it. Instead of asking doubtful questions about leaving she shifted to overlapping questions about my potential destinations. You know, like, “What if you don’t like it there?” “What if it’s not what you expect?” “What if something happens to you, or you get sick again, or your kids need a sitter, or blah, blah, blah?” I became paralyzed with indecision again. So what do I do? Hit the snooze button.
September: I’m jolted awake…again. This time by a pending pink slip. On August 28th, 2013 at 3:30 PM EST we were called into my former employer’s conference room and were delivered the news. It wasn’t a surprise to me. I saw it coming. So I decided that September 13th, 2013 would be the LAST DAY I’d allow ANYONE to determine my financial/career destiny. I even went to see an advisor (don’t judge, if it’s not your thing let it slide) and was reassured that the pending layoff was part of my destiny. It had to happen in order for something BIGGER to happen to me. Which is funny because literally the night before our meeting I asked my Higher Power if I should move forward with my dream of wanting to be a coach and focus on my writing career, or if it wasn’t time yet. Between those two events I got my confirmation. But after that, nothing happened. So…snooze again.
October: I obtained my coaching certification and decided to re-focus on my writing career. I also decided to let go of everything and anything that did NOT help get me to my intended destination. Not in a selfish I-refuse-to-help-you kind of way, but in a I-need-to-be-able-to-help-you kind of way. In my half-daze the alarm went off again. This time at the View.
Funny thing about alarms…you can only hit the snooze button so many times before it stops going off altogether.
I wanted to reach for that snooze button again, but I had this feeling that if I didn’t do something soon I was about to sleep right though an amazing breakthrough. And that’s exactly what happened – I got my breakthrough. Not once, not twice, but quite a few times! In other words, instead of me hitting the snooze button the alarm clock grew legs, arms, and a head, named itself Marc Accetta and told me – in no uncertain terms – to get my arse out of bed and make it happen! Something! Anything! But whatever I did I needed to quit snoozing because the time wasn’t right or I didn’t have the correct answer, or whatever other lame excuses I kept coming up with. The time IS right! I DO have all the answers that I need! I CAN make this happen!
And you know what?! The same goes for you, too!
From this day forward you need to STOP hitting that snooze button! It’s only delaying your blessing! Sure you may be tired, weary, and uncertain. So what?!?! Get up and make something happen anyway! Every action gets you one step closer to where you need to be. It’s the INACTION that sets you back! Life is moving right along with or without you! It’s YOUR job to keep up with life, not the other way round! The sooner you realize that the better off you’ll be!
“A little boy was having difficulty lifting a heavy stone. His father came along just then. Noting the boy’s failure, he asked, “Are you using all your strength?” “Yes, I am,” the little boy said impatiently. “No, you are not,” the father answered. “I am right here just waiting, and you haven’t asked me to help you.”
– Anon
How many times have you struggled through a problem or obstacle and gave it all you had? How many times have you encountered a brick wall and single-handedly tried to knock it down? How many times have you faced an adversity that seemed like it wouldn’t budge?
Now ask yourself how many times have you asked for help?
*waiting*
You see, we are an interdependent society. Isolation gets you nothing but loneliness and suffering. Yet so many people feel that asking for help is a sign of weakness or defeat; as if it revokes their “story” or eliminates them from receiving the “self-made” crown. They have to be independent – society says so! For if they are not then they’re just a mass of energy taking up time, space, and opportunity.
Right?
Wrong!
Asking for help cannot, will not, and does not mean you are weak or defeated. In fact, it takes a lot of strength and courage to ask for help. Do you know how much of your ego you will have to overpower to pick up a phone, create an email, or even knock on someone’s door to ask for help? That, my dear Rockstar, cannot be done by a weakling! That can only be mastered by someone who has mastered their inner self, and mastering your inner self requires a lot of strength, courage, and will power.
Do not allow society, your family or friends, co-workers, up-line, down-line, clients, significant or not-so-significant other, or anyone else tell you that asking for help is bad. In fact, if these same people make you feel like you can’t ask them for help then you need to re-evaluate your relationship with them. Everyone needs support and encouragement when they are feeling down – because you will have moments of weakness, don’t get it twisted – and it is during these moments you will need strong shoulders to lean on. Yet these shoulders don’t just “pop up” in your life. Sometimes you have to ask for them.
Personal story: I have a tendency to be very headstrong. I don’t like asking for help due to the plethora of disappointments I’ve had in the past. Even after realizing those disappointments came from the wrong people I am still hesitant to ask for assistance. So it should come as no surprise that I have been hesitant to ask for help in one of my most recent challenges.
It involves sales.
I used to say that I’m not a salesperson. I stopped saying that because of my belief that what you speak about you bring about, but the reality of the matter is that I do have a difficult time with sales and it’s based on my past conditioning. Lately, I’ve been trying to get out of my comfort zone with it and while I have gotten better I’m still not as good as I want to be in this particular realm.
Then someone put the spotlight on me. I thank God for this person because they opened the door to allow me to ask for help…and I did! And the best part about it is they were more than willing to give me all the help that I need. In fact, an entire team started to come forth to assist me. There is truth to the saying, “Ask and ye shall receive.” It’s in every religious book, every doctrine, every self-help book, every support group poster…I’m just saying! It’s everywhere and it’s there for a reason. Ask and ye shall receive! So…
Ask for the date.
Ask for the sale.
Ask for advice.
Ask for the loan.
Ask for a chance.
Ask for a raise.
Ask for HELP!
It seems simple and it is, once you get over your fears – and your ego – and do it. The more you ask for help the more you’ll receive it. It’s there for you. All you need to do is open your mouth and ask.
I say this because God knows EXACTLY how to capture my attention. God knows how to communicate with me. God knows how to put something so in my face that I have no choice BUT to look at it.
Last night a sick feeling snuck up on me. This always happens when a particular person is brought up. At any rate, instead of saying my usual nightly prayer I decided to be frank with God. No worries, God can handle it. I confessed that I was tired of this feeling, this person, and honestly would be better off if they were dead. I know, I know…bad Rockstarr! Yet I also know that sometimes what you wish to happen for others comes back to you, so that’s why I said I was tired of feeling like that, not that I wanted it to happen. I love my life and I prefer to keep my karma clean!
Okay, so what I asked instead was for God to remove any residual energy hooks that this person – well any person at this point – still had in me. You see, when you have any sort of deep, intimate (not sexual…intimate; they are two different things!) relationship with someone your energy goes into them and vise versa. Sometimes these energy hooks or channels are positive. Sometimes they are negative. When that person goes away or the relationship severs some of those hooks remain. This is where I’ve been having difficulty, especially with letting toxic people go. Their negative hooks are still in me. I’ve done prayers, rituals, sage smudging , just about everything I can think of to release these hooks. I’ve forgiven them. I’ve forgiven myself. I’ve even wrote out every nasty, vindictive, almost torturous thought I’ve ever had towards them just to get the energy out of me. These practices have helped – a lot! Yet some of the hooks are still there.
So what does that have to do with today’s post? I just checked my email and received my daily e-letter from The Daily Love. The topic was, “Why being mad at THEM actually hurts YOU!” It basically talks about getting to the core of your inner anger, bitterness, and resentment and CHOOSING to let it go. The hooks that I asked God to remove are not for God to release, but it’s my job to let them go. They’re not in me literally; I’m holding on to them. It’s the whole identity thing. It’s part of my “story” that I tell. It’s what makes me who I am. It’s what got me to this point.
Or is it?
Those are just thoughts created by my ego to justify the need to “protect” myself. Well, I love you, ego, I really do, but we can let this one go. If you really want to protect me you’ll end the story so we can get on with writing our new one. None of those people gave a damn back then and they certainly don’t give one now. So why should we? This isn’t tit-for-tat. This isn’t anger, bitterness, or resentment. This is simply us accepting that, yes, they got us then, but don’t have us anymore. It’s okay. Trust me. We’ll be better off. In order to fully receive HIM we have to let go of THEM!
*brings out acid*
To those connected to the negative energy hooks that I’m holding:
I just want to let you know that what’s done is done. Some harm. Some foul. But that was then and this is now. I publicly forgive you. I publicly forgive myself. And now, you are officially dismissed.
*pours acid on hooks*
That’s all it takes, really, to let go of negativity. As for your hooks in them, I offer this prayer/request:
God (or your Higher Power), I ask that you remove my hooks that are being held bound and captive by this person and retrieve them for me. May you neutralize, purify, and transmute them into positive energy and return them to me for good.
Amen…And so it is!
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We did it, Rockstarrs!